Gender norms: how pop culture fell short in my childhood, and what we can do to fix it today

This post is partly inspired by Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, which I found incredibly insightful. I don’t read a lot of “business” books, but I would definitely recommend this to both men and women. It highlights a number of social biases found in both the home and the workplace that can hold women back and in some cases cause women to hold themselves back.

These biases are formed at young ages. My whole life, I was told by my parents and teachers that I could do anything I wanted, that boys and girls were equal, etc. But many of the movies and books I grew up with told a different story. Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty don’t get to have adventures of their own. Their “adventures” involve being resented for their beauty, dreaming about a man coming to rescue them, and an awful lot of housework. Even Mulan and Jasmine, who were stronger female characters, have stories that center around love and marriage — Jasmine runs away so she won’t be forced to marry someone she doesn’t love, and Mulan has to disguise herself as a boy in order to bring honor to her family. The boys get to have all the fun, while the girls’ roles are solely and solidly domestic. Is it any wonder, then, that in my childhood games I always imagined myself as a boy dog, a boy dragon, a boy everything? I didn’t want to be a boy, I just wanted to go on adventures; and the boys went on all the real adventures.

These problems persisted beyond “happily ever after.” Even a girl who had a mind of her own, like Mulan, readily filled the traditional domestic role as soon as she fell in love. These stories taught girls that they were supposed to want to get married and raise children and give up any other dreams that conflicted with those things. What if Mulan liked being a soldier? What if the hypothetical princess wanted to travel the world or hunt pirates to protect the borders? For that matter, what if the prince wanted to teach his kids how to read or ride horses instead of spending his whole day in council meetings?

I think this is why I connected with Tamora Pierce’s protagonists so strongly. Alanna (from Pierce’s Song of the Lioness series) was my role model because she wanted to go on adventures and train as a knight, so she did it even though it went against convention. And yes, she was disguised as a boy at first, but she also made friends who accepted her for who she was, and throughout the series she grew to accept herself as both a woman and a knight. But most importantly, she didn’t stop having adventures when she fell in love. In fact (spoiler alert) she chose to end her relationship with the prince in part because she didn’t want to be a queen — and she chose to marry the man who would not only allow but encourage her to continue going on quests as a knight.

Our girls need more stories like these. And our boys need more examples of men who choose to spend more time inside the home — and are celebrated, not criticized, for it. We’ve come a long way, but we still have a long way to go. For ideas of how to help, check out the Lean In organization and the We Need Diverse Books campaign. Writers, let’s tell stories that encourage our readers to pursue their dreams, whatever those dreams are. Librarians, publishers, and readers, let’s demand more stories that challenge stereotypes and show today’s children that they don’t have to match their ambitions to gender norms. I want books with female engineers like Darla in Mike Mullin’s Ashfall trilogy, and books with men who are deeply invested in their families like Day in Marie Lu’s Legend trilogy. (And is it telling that I can’t think of a single book or movie in any genre that has the father working primarily in the home unless he’s either gay or a single parent?*)

What books, movies, or other media have you seen lately that defies gender norms? Please share in the comments.

*After three days of pondering this, I finally came up with Neal and Georgie from Rainbow Rowell’s Landline, though that isn’t a book for kids, nor is it being marketed heavily toward men.

ILF Annual Conference Preview

This week I’ll be headed to the Indiana Library Federation’s Annual Conference, and I’m looking forward to the chance to network with and learn from other professionals.  As a member of this year’s conference planning committee, I’ve also had an inside look at some of the behind-the-scenes work that goes into organizing the event.  (Look for better “tracking” this year, with programs relevant to all types of library workers spread out to cover every time slot.)  The theme is Everyday Superheroes in the Library, and I’m ready to don my cape and fly off to the convention center.  Some of the sessions I’m excited for are:

Superheroes Rosie & Eliot to the Rescue: Save Your Library from Ho-Hum Teen Titles.  This overview of the Eliot-Rosewater winners will help with reader’s advisory and will also serve as a refresher of what’s hot in YA literature these days.  Plus, am I the only one who still loves to hear a good book talk?

Avengers to Justice League: Turn Teens at Your Library into Their Own Superheroes.  Shameless plug: our teen librarian is one of the panelists, and she has an amazing teen program set up here.  I have learned so much about teen services from her, and I’m sure she’ll have great ideas to share at this session.

Teen Tech Spaces with Chicago Public Library’s YOUMedia.  YOUMedia has been on my radar since I first started volunteering with teen programs at the local public library during grad school.  I’m not ready to completely jump on the “library as makerspace” bandwagon, but if there is a bandwagon, I’m pedaling furiously just behind it, waiting to make sure the road doesn’t run off a cliff.  (I think makerspace equipment is too expensive to buy just because it’s “the next big thing”; while things like 3D printers and self-publishing presses are perfect for some communities, I’m not convinced they’re right for every library.  But that’s a topic for another post.)  I’d love to learn more about programs like YOUMedia, and see how they could apply to the spaces and technologies we offer both teens and adults at my library.

The Modern Book Club.  I started the adult book club at my library in the hopes that it would draw more people in their twenties and thirties to the library.  While we have great discussions, most of our book club members are older and already came to the library regularly.  I’m interested in ideas to draw the younger crowd to these or other programs.

Soaring Together: How Librarians and Authors Can Cultivate Partnerships.  I’m a librarian.  I’m a writer.  Need I say more?  (For my thoughts on author library visits, see my previous post.)

Outrageous Outreach: From Flash Mobs to Freeze Reads.  It’s always nice to hear new, unique program ideas.  I’d love to see how other libraries are getting out into the community and bringing people to the library.

This is just a sample of some of the workshops I’m looking forward to.  There will also be authors signing books and receiving awards throughout the conference.  I’m hoping to grab a signed copy of Mike Mullin’s Ashfall and chat with some fellow writers during the breaks between sessions.

Will you be at ILF?  If so, what sessions are you looking forward to?

Defending YA Literature

I spend most of my time interacting with other librarians and writers, often of the teen/young adult variety, so I sometimes forget the skepticism that surrounds the “value” or “credibility” of young adult literature. A  recent post on The Hub, the Young Adult Library Services Association’s blog about teen books, followed by a conversation with a friend who didn’t read YA but loved my recommendation of Patrick Ness’s Chaos Walking trilogy, reminded me that there are still a lot of YA skeptics out there.

So I’m going to pull out my soap box for a minute (something I do so rarely that it was gathering dust beneath discarded drafts of manuscripts) to address those nay-sayers. First of all, young adult is not a genre. Just as “children’s” books vary from Good Night Moon to The Mark of Athena to Bud, Not Buddy and “adult” books range from A Game of Thrones to The Cuckoo’s Calling to Fifty Shades of Gray, “young adult” novels span an array of genres and storylines. YA does not mean Twilight just as romance (or even erotica) does not mean Fifty Shades. Like books geared towards other age groups, you’ll find the good, the bad, and the “how did this ever get published?”.

Some of the best writing and storytelling I’ve encountered has been in young adult novels; and I’m not the only one who thinks so. In 2012, Time magazine named John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars the best book of the year. The Hunger Games , The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and Divergent have all been made or are being made into movies. And members of the book club I run at the library, who range in age from twenties to eighties, unanimously agreed that Markus Zusak’s The Book Thief was one of the best books they’d ever read.

So what is it that turns people against YA literature? Is it the belief that YA is all vampires, werewolves, and sappy love stories? Or the belief that books written for teens can’t be “edgy” enough? (To you, I recommend Ilsa Bick, Mike Mullin, and Elizabeth Wein.) I’m not trying to turn anyone into a YA reader; I just wish more people were aware of the range and depth of YA novels out there.

As a librarian, I’ll judge you more if you tell me you don’t read than if you tell me E.L. James is your favorite author. I’ll even point you to E.L. James read-alikes without batting an eye. (Incidentally, Sylvia Day ought to be giving librarians royalties for directing Fifty Shades fans her way.) All I ask is that you give my reading preferences the same respect. And if you’re looking for a good book, YA or otherwise, let me know!